Revelling in the Great Uncertainty of Life
Uncertainty is my playground and I revel in the joy it brings me.
For the past 9 months my life has been an adventure… wildly unpredictable, free and filled with complete uncertainty. We left our home and sold our stuff in August 2017 and have been traveling, working and living without much planning since then.
Every time we’ve tried to plan something, things have gotten in the way or we’ve booked the wrong flights.. plans just haven’t felt like they’ve been working. I genuinely wasn’t sure how I would enjoy it but it’s safe to say this lifestyle really, really suits me. I love the freedom, the adventure, the spontaneity. I’m not the most naturally spontaneous personality, so having a bit of adventure in my life really makes me feel alive.
Over the past 9 months I have experienced the joy of living in complete uncertainty.
Before that I could have told you that it was important to be able to live in uncertainty, I could have told you that I was leaning into the uncertain parts of my life and getting better at diving into the unknown rather than running from it.
However now I can tell you that it’s no longer just a concept, it’s my reality.
My reality has been living with the uncertainty of where we are going to live next month or next week, when we will start a family, where we will eventually settle down, the uncertainty even extended to work, allowing us to completely deconstruct our ideas about our business and build it from the ground up.
It’s been this willingness to live in uncertainty that allowed us to plan the wedding of our dreams within a month, it’s been this willingness that’s led us to being okay amongst the craziness of newly married life and talk of children, it’s been this willingness that’s allowed us to discover some of our favourite parts of the world.
It was the ability to live in uncertainty that led me to finally learn to surf. After months of living without knowing what the next step was I was finally ready to dive into the ocean, not knowing if I’d completely suck. To hand myself over to Michael, (who by the way is the best surf teacher ever) and be willing to absolutely suck so that I might find complete joy (totally killed it in case you were wondering).
It’s this complete uncertainty that has led me to appreciation for all of the stable parts of life. It was sleeping on a concrete floor in India that’s deepened my appreciation for a soft bed. It was eating plain, oily, garlic rice for lunch in Java that has me appreciating all my meals just a little more. It was a 6 hour flight delay and missing our ride to where we were getting married in NZ that has enriched my appreciation for transport running on time. It was forgetting the rings to my own wedding that has taught me to laugh at life’s mishaps as they become the stories we never forget.
Now I’ve discovered a deep desire to be still, to be quiet, to have a home.
The uncertainty remains as we have no idea where this home will be, but the desire is there.
And this is one of the best feelings in the world, being appreciative for all that I have and eager and excited for what’s to come.
Abraham Hicks says this really is the most important combination of feelings to master, and I appreciate that I get to revel in it right now, and I really think it’s my ability to be totally okay with uncertainty that has taught me how to master this state.
Right now, I appreciate my lifestyle, I love being in Bali, I’m so grateful for the awesome food I get to eat every single day, I LOVE being married to the absolute love of my life and I wake up each day excited to do the work I’m blessed to do.
I’m also so excited to arrive in Australia in June, I’m excited to experience a completely different season, I’m eager to put my trackies and a hoodie on and read a book curled up on the lounge, I’m excited for calm, clear winter days and getting to improve my surfing on uncrowded waves. I’m so eager to decorate a house, to have a bedroom, to one day have our own family, to create a weekly routine, to bake in an awesome kitchen and to have a veggie garden.
This really is the perfect place to be, because it honours this moment right now. And what I’ve realised is that we can be appreciative and eager at any stage in our lives. We don’t need to wait for anything, it’s a state that we can access now. It may have taken a lot of uncertainty for me to learn all of this, but we have access to this from whatever point in our lives we are in.
I can only hope you too can experience the same appreciation and eagerness that fills my heart with absolute joy right now.